The Onion

• Democrats Release 2024 Election Autopsy
  May 23, 2026 by The Onion Staff
• Ob-Gyn Warns Alex Cooper To Avoid Public Feuds In First Trimester
  May 22, 2026 by The Onion Staff
• Cruel Stage Mom Shoves 100 Milligrams Of Adderall Down Grogu’s Throat
  May 22, 2026 by The Onion Staff
• Pros And Cons Of Non-Grass Lawns
  May 22, 2026 by The Onion Staff
• Anti-Aging Millionaire Announces He Has Split Back Into Sperm And Egg
  May 22, 2026 by The Onion Staff
• RFK Jr. Rushed To Gym After Heart Attack
  May 22, 2026 by The Onion Staff
• Chase Reminds Customers To Only Share Banking Information With People Who Seem Nice 
  May 22, 2026 by The Onion Staff
• MLB Attempts To Reduce Human Error With New Electronic Bat Boys
  May 22, 2026 by The Onion Staff
• Japanese Eels Revealed To Have 2 Types Of Sperm
  May 22, 2026 by The Onion Staff
• Mom Mails Son Jar She Needs Opened
  May 22, 2026 by The Onion Staff

Reductress

The Hard Times

• Rebel Without a Cause Clearly Not Looking Very Hard
  May 24, 2026 by Stephen Bell
• 5 Other Orifices You Can Get the Godsmack Sun Tattooed Around!
  May 24, 2026 by Kyle Donley
• Efficient Friends Cancel Plans While Making Them
  May 24, 2026 by Arielle Andreano
• Quiznos Mascots From 2004 Still Looking for Forever Home
  May 23, 2026 by Matthew Micheletti
• The Next Jordan Peterson? This Transphobic Twit Makes His Bed Before Getting Numb on Benzos
  May 23, 2026 by Ryan Darrah

The Beaverton

• Man claims Canadian first amendment rights infringed when people refuse to listen to his opinion
  May 24, 2026 by John Hansen
• President misses own son’s wedding due to high-level not wanting to go
  May 23, 2026 by Ian MacIntyre
• AI tech mogul confused why expendable human capital booing him during commencement address
  May 23, 2026 by Ian MacIntyre
• Soon-to-be grounded Snowbirds promise to make 2026 season their most dog-traumatizing yet
  May 22, 2026 by Luke Gordon Field
• Kars4Kids scandal shockingly not an Epstein thing
  May 22, 2026 by Dan Hershfield